I have a wall in my office where I post pictures and notes that my clients (all troubled kids and their caregivers) have given me. One of them says "YOUR AWESOME!" Some days I find myself fighting the urge to "correct" that note. What would it hurt? A crayoned apostrophe, an added letter "e," to make things tidy and "correct?" My undergraduate degree was in English and I have corrected grammar and spelling right along with the best of them. I am sure I have been plenty annoying to perfectly well-meaning folks who have no need to know what an infinitive is, let alone what it means to split one. So that's why I have left that note on my office wall exactly as it is. It's a reminder to myself. When I get that urge to "correct" I can be almost certain I am not focusing on what is really important. I am not doing my job. I am trying to “fix” things, and it is not my job to “fix.” It’s my job to help people find more effective ways to navigate through this life, not to show them the “right” way.
I have started to wonder about this habit of correcting others and what it says about who we are. I have seen conversations among friends come to a dead stop when someone interrupts to say "It's LIE not LAY!" I have watched people completely miss the point of a heartfelt expression, because someone used "ain't." It makes me a little sad. Not because the English language is being "mangled" or that "those kids today" sound "ignorant." It makes me sad that we can become so focused on a colloquialism or punctuation mark that we forget the original point of language which is to communicate. Can you really not get past the grammar to continue the communication? This is my gentle challenge to think about why. Why is it so important to correct that you can no longer be present, can no longer listen to your fellow human? I get it -- some of us are editors, proofreaders, writers. We have to have an awareness of these things. Yeah, I know sometimes we think we are "helping." We are not. My challenge to you, fellow writers, editors, proofreaders, is to keep the work at work and not bring it to the coffee klatsch where "correcting" is just superior douchebaggery.
As for myself I am not perfect but it has been months now and I am almost at the point I can look at "YOUR AWESOME!" and not feel the urge to “fix” it. Some days I still see a “mistake,” but most days I see an opportunity to let go of the need to be right. I see an opportunity to accept that things are messy. People are flawed. Have I ever helped even one person by pointing out their flaws? The only person that ever helps is me, and it's a temporary buzz for sure. When the self-righteousness of “correcting” someone wears off, all you're left with is the discomfort of knowing you're still firmly ensconced in an imperfect world in which no one gives a shit where you put your apostrophe.
When I can completely let go of that need for everything to be "right," I am going to celebrate and make my own sign, adding an R at the end. "YOUR AWESOMER," it will say. "YOUR TOTALLY AWESOMER RIGHT NOW."
I have my 64 pack of crayolas and a poster board at the ready.
WHO'S WITH ME?!*
