a visit with jack gilbert

A friend shared a link to this great piece about the poet Jack Gilbert who, at past 80 years of age, recently won the National Book Critics Circle Award for his newest collection Refusing Heaven.

photo by Kate Davidson, NPR

You can visit the NPR website by clicking here and while there, be sure to click on the links provided to hear the inspiring interview with this reclusive poet who has spent most of his life outside the usual literary circles, stages, and spotlights, and whose poems speak poignantly to the two sides of the love and grief coin. Also included are clickable links that will allow you to listen to Gilbert reading several of his most lovely poems, "Infidelity," "Refusing Heaven," "By Small and Small," and "Getting Away With It."

I love Gilbert for his unabashed refusal to play the literary "game" (in the interview, he asserts that he is not a "professional poet," he's a "real poet"). I love Gilbert for saying there are just things about this life he doesn't like ("I don't like that my hair is thinning. I don't like that two of the women I loved died.") I love Gilbert for talking about how he is fond of making lists, including lists of things that he loves and wants to accomplish - a kindred spirit! I make lists too -- lists of things I love, things I want to do. Sometimes I have made a list of things I'd already done, just so I could cross something off of a to-do list. I am sure that Jack Gilbert (a man who once listed "to be in love before I die" on a list of things to do), would understand.

I found that quote

The "self help guru" I mentioned in yesterday's blog was actually Stephen Covey and the quote I was thinking of came from his book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families, which is actually much warmer and readable than its business seminar-sounding title might imply.

Covey tells the story of a conversation he had at one of his workshops, during which a man came up to him and said, "[...] My wife and I just don't have the same feelings for each other that we used to have. I guess I just don't love her anymore, and she doesn't love me. What can I do?"

"The feeling isn't there anymore?" Covey inquired.

"That's right," the man reaffirmed, "And we have three children we're really concerned about. What do you suggest?"

"Love her," Covey replied.

"I told you, the feeling just isn't there anymore."

"Love her."

"You don't understand. The feeling of love isn't there."

"Then love her. If the feeling isn't there, that's a good reason to love her."

"But how do you love when you don't love?"

"My friend, love is a verb. Love -- the feeling -- is a fruit of the love the verb. So love her. Sacrifice. Listen to her. Empathize. Appreciate. Affirm her. Are you willing to do that?"

Covey goes on to admonish Hollywood for giving us all the deluded idea that love is a feeling and not a verb; we've all come to expect other people to induce in us some nirvanic feeling of bliss when in actuality that feeling comes as a result of loving someone (loving, as in the action word. the VERB.) He also offers a quote by M. Scott Peck:

"The desire to love is not love itself love... Love is an act of will -- namely an intention and an action. Will also implies choice. We do not have to love. We choose to love. No matter how much we may think we are loving, if we are in fact not loving, it is because we have chosen not to love and therefore do not love despite our good intentions. On the other hand, whenever we do actually exert ourselves in the cause of spiritual growth, it is because we have chosen to do so. The choice to love has been made."

"Live Reverently"
2.5" x 3.5" ACEO c. 2008 Miz Annie
AEDM for Nov. 9, '08 & one for the Yogi Tea Tag series

mixed media collage on recycled pasteboard with magazine cutouts, glitter hearts and Yogi Tea tag.

home remedies from the magic cottage

"Love More" c. 2008 Miz Annie
5" x 7" mixed media collage

This was today's AEDM piece, which includes a quote from Thoreau which can be interpreted any number of ways to suit your own dysfunctionality. I would offer the disclaimer that I don't think Thoreau had it in mind that if you are in a crap relationship that isn't working, the best thing to do is continue giving 100% even when the other person is sitting around smoking Pall Malls and picking at his shorts. It doesn't mean that if you just love your partner "enough" or love them "the right way" they will stop abusing you. It means, well, at least to me it means that even if love has gone wrong, disappointed you, or otherwise let you down in some fashion, the solution is not to vow never to love again. The solution is simply to allow that experience to fall away, learn from it if you can, and move on. Love takes many forms and sometimes shows up when you least expect it. Maybe it is already here and you simply no longer recognize it? I also love how the subject "Love" is both a noun and a verb in this quote. Who is that famous relationship guru who is always saying "Love is a verb!" We talk about love as though it's a person we're waiting for, or some nirvanic state of mind they induce in us. If we don't hear angelic choirs (or Coldplay) and hearts and flowers don't weave through the air about our heads when we text each other, it must not be love. Feh! Think of it as a verb, see what that does for a shift in perspective. It always helps me, anyway.(1)

"Blue Archway" c. 2008 Miz Annie
5" x 7" mixed media collage on recycled pasteboard

Well, this is a morose little piece, is it not? I don't really care for it. But hey, we can't hit them all out of the ballpark, as I'm wont to say when participating in these once-a-day kind of things.

Meanwhile......

My son has been such an awesome help to me the past couple of months. He knows my back is hurting so he does all the chores around the house that require lifting (taking out the trash, lugging the laundry up or down the stairs, carrying in the groceries, moving boxes to or from the basement). He sweeps the kitchen for me as well as the stairs (which, due to the fact we have so many pets, is a daily requirement). In addition to helping with the housework, my son has lately become obsessed with creating the ultimate healing potion for me. (well, I'm sure all this extra work has motivated him to help find a cure! haha!). He is reading up on the healing properties of various foods and vitamins. Last night he made me hot "tea" made with cranberry and pomegranate juice, "for the antioxidants." Today he made an incredible curried carrot soup (okay, I helped a little), which was so good I had to share the recipe with you.

(the tee-shirt says "Save Trees - Eliminate Homework!")

Saute about a tablespoon of minced garlic and one large diced yellow onion in a generous dash of olive oil. Add about 2 cups sliced mushrooms and saute some more.

Separately, dissolve a cube of vegetable boullion in about a cup of hot water, add to the sauteed veggies along with about a quart of water, 5 or 6 large carrots, shredded fine (we used the Cuisinart so it took seconds), and half a block of extra firm tofu, cut into about 1/2" cubes. Season with salt and pepper, 1/2 tsp curry powder, 1/2 teaspoon garam masala, and 1/2 teaspoon ground cumin. Simmer for half an hour to 45 minutes. To be honest, these amounts are just good guesses; you might have to adjust especially the water - I'm really bad at estimating amounts of water. This soup was so easy to make and delicious - even the kids loved it.

Adding the shredded carrots.

The house smells so good while this is simmering! Veggie nuggets (Morningstar Farms makes an awesome version) and edamame completed the meal. MMMMM!


Hal and I have been cooking too; the other night we made a magnificent white-trash Green Bean Casserole (recipe is on the mushroom soup can). It is a horrible, disgusting dish which I absolutely adore. I told her that it was a traditional November dish, and that we had to practice making it for Thanksgiving. (As if it takes practice to open cans).


Gross. But Halle had fun "cooking" with mom and was so proud to dish it up at suppertime. Jacob, unfortunately, found it completely inedible (as it probably is) and having to eat it nearly brought him to tears. I caught him balling up a mouthful in a dinner napkin and attempting to furtively pocket it for later disposal. I would have been mad but I was too busy laughing. Hysterically.

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(1) again, when I speak of love, one must listen with the salt shaker in hand. Cuz, you know, what the heck do I know?

tuesday's AEDM piece

"to love someone"
c. 2008 miz annie

4"x4" mixed media collage
(recycled pasteboard, magazine cutouts,
laser print on adhesive vellum, glitter glue)